The Least of These











{September 22, 2008}   Big News!

Drum Roll Please…..

I am officially an undergrad again. Talk about feeling intimidated. I am working, a mom, fostering a dog.

Hello Tye baby!

School starts October 6th. I’ll be taking two classes at a time every nine weeks. The class load is supposed to gradually increase and I should graduate in three years with a Psychology degree. (I did finish my Freshman year at UNLV, so I do have atleast those credits under my belt thankfully.) I’m currently going for a Psychology degree and then I’ll have to evaluate if I still want to consider seminary – which I’m still utterly fascinated by or something I am passionate about and have more realistic career options with – ethology. Animal behavior, which can range from zoos, rescue groups, lab studies, and so on. Now, how much it pays and where I would have the career options is another story. But the same would be said of ministry. And of course, there are my personal feelings of women in the ministry anyways. I could always return to seminary later as a personal hobby of interest in theology – this is all three years down the road. Whereas actual undergrad classes are merely days down the road.

Meanwhile, I’ve had my Halloween decorations up for over a week now. Cannot put any of the outside ones out until October 1st – due to HOA restrictions. It’s literally, KILLING me. But it is also restricting me from shopping any of the Halloween aisles at any of the stores. Which is probably good since now that the weather is cooling, I am noticing how behind I am on my knitting and have been knitting up a storm again. I am also going to be a test knitter for the October dish cloth LAL. We’ll see how my moderate skills do.

Have I mentioned that I have officially dropped 33 lbs? I am so excited and proud of myself. I am now biking 11 miles a day. Currently, I have to take the dogs on seperate runs because they cannot handle two runs anymore. When it was 8 miles, I think they were fine with it. Also, the runs were at 3:30 am and 8 pm – so they were separated enough that they had time to recover from the exercise. Now, even though the runs are still at morning and night – by the end of the runs, I am almost pulling them along, coasting on the bike, encouraging the heck out of them, “C’mon Maya, you can do it. You can do it girl. Good girl. That’s my girl.” They are so exhausted by the end of the runs that I’ve simply started only taking them on one run each. I am hoping that by the end of October I can bike to work – which according to Mapquest is only 12.05 miles away. (Of course that would be 24.10 miles a day.) Steve says it is probably closer to 16 miles. But we’ll see. It wouldn’t be hard biking there – just home (in the heat).

We’ll be heading out to Pahrump’s Fall Fesitival this weekend. I am so super excited. Since I’ve got Friday, Saturday, AND Sunday off. We’ll be able to head out Thursday after work, hang with the in-laws (maybe even make a make-shift Spring Pole for Maya in their backyard with their matured trees) for the weekend and head back in time to hear GP’s Ain’t Your Mama’s Jesus series. Or head to a block meeting. Not sure what the game plan is yet…

Either way – I am totally prepared for this weekend. I am greatly encouraged that I will get a chance to walk that gauntlet of dogs that used to terrify me and perhaps observe their behavior with a different mindset.

Have a great week everyone.

maggielselah @ 1:02 pm [filed under Grace Point, Ravelry, Religion, knitting, pit bull tagged , , , , , , , , , , Leave a Comment »


{June 24, 2008}   The Brain Drain

Our family has become water babies lately. We’ve been in the pool for four days straight! We went in on Friday afternoon, not really expecting Maya to join us but hoping she would learn to love the water. Now four days later, she is rarely getting out of the water and jumping in to go grab her toys. She’s become a swimming fanatic! Which is great because she burns so much energy that way. Then we meet her friends at the park and then jog home and she’s POOPED! Which is great. I’ve finished Be the Pack Leader and am now listening to Cesar’s Way – he exercises his pack for about 5-6 hours a day! Whew! So I’ve been on Craigslist looking for a treadmill and bike – I don’t dare try roller blades! I found a Raleigh Mountain Bike that is reasonably priced and on my way to work. Hopefully I’ll be picking it up this week. One person we go to church with bikes 30 miles a day! Whew! I’d love to work up to just 5-10 miles a day. I’m completely bike ignorant so it looks like a great bike. So long as it works I am very happy. :)

With all the exercise Maya has been very trainable as well as very energetic at the same time. I don’t know what it is about water but it always brings out this super hyper side of Maya and always did the same for our last dogs – Scout and Conker. What gives?

Maya has been coming along so well lately that I have been able to let her off leash outside of her doggie play groups. Meaning, yesterday when the kids and I walked to the park, I was able to just let her go and when we went for our nightly jog last night I was able to let her go off leash as well. It’s awesome.

The kids were eating lunch yesterday with some meat and cheese and after “claiming my space” as pack leader, amazingly she just laid down.

I was so proud of her! Last night, we even were able to let her sleep with her kennel open. Yay! :) She’s coming along so nicely.

The Illusion collar/leash came yesterday so I was excited to try that bad boy out. It works so well (although is a bit frustrating to put on – but I’m sure I’ll get used to it). We ran across a cat last night and I did some challenge training with her. She sat while I called the cat to me, and petted it. At one point I did have to lay her down, but overall she did very well for her first time.

All this dog training is taking away time and focus from knitting (*cries*) and this whole religion headache. Steve’ oldest brother, Rob, always asks, “Why?” And right now I feel like I am doing the same thing.

During worship on Sunday they sang, “Fields of Grace” by Big Daddy Weave. When we first left the LDS church, this song became a quick favorite because the lyrics really connected with what I was feeling and going through.

There’s a place where religion finally dies

There’s a place where I loose my selfish pride

This two week series is something I’m looking forward to because it really gets into the theology of the Gospel – sin, justification, grace, works. It promises to be very thought provoking. I’m meeting with the missionaries again tomorrow night – so I best be writing up my question list – I’d forgotten a lot of my old questions from before. I sheepishly admit that I am REALLY stuck on this Godhead doctrine. When I spoke to my parents about it my Mamau was like, “I think you tend to get stuck on unimportant things.”

:(

I reminded her that Joseph Smith taught that it was the FIRST principal of the Gospel to understand the nature of God. Which is what I’m trying to do. Which then leads to more questions – what is “worship” inside the LDS church? Referring back to the Fall – why is Eve declared to have “transgressed” but her transgression is looked upon favorably? In the Hebrew it appears that a transgression is much worse than a sin (to err, or miss the mark). I am going to tackle some of the Book of Abraham today, more specifically to read about Abraham and God and of course the issues regarding this particular book. I’ve pulled out some reading from my LDS box and will also be pulling out a Protestant book on theology as well.

I have also decided to ask my Pastor questions as well. He raises good points and issues, but I find myself echoing Steve’s brother – why?

I feel like such a pest.

Thankfully, Steve is looking into renting a cabin in August in Cedar City for a long weekend. I cannot wait. My birthday and our anniversary is just around the corner – yeppie! That’s it for now. Gotta go tackle the pile of laundry that’s been building up.

maggielselah @ 12:30 pm [filed under Religion, The Dog Whisperer tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , Leave a Comment »


{June 16, 2008}   Christian Humilty

In 2006 I began regularly post on the R&P. At the time, I was aware of anti-Mormon trash, but overall really just didn’t care about it. When I began my journey into apologetics, I taped my favorite passage of scripture to my screens and walls around where I used my computers. I wanted to be aware of the impression I gave people as a Christ follower (yes a Mormon) and that I strive always to bring glory to His name, not shame. So when people became really horrible, I would breathe, pray, read my verse, and if needed – walkaway for a bit to meditate on God’s great love for me AND that horrible person whoever it was.

Over the course of the last couple of years, I’ve slowly lost that patience – even though I really want to be patient like that with people, the more I see of people in RELIGION the more disgusted and frustrated I become. I can totally see why there are so many loose canon Christians or people who don’t even want to come to church of any kind, out there.

What was entirely unexpected was that a poster named TerroRista and I became fast and close friends. We would talk for hours at times about Jesus, God, the Bible, and daily application. What surprised her was that I genuinely loved my Savior. I learned later that this really surprised a lot of Christians who had generally false ideas about Mormonism and the Mormon people. They realized the Gospel – the good news of a Savior and redemption, was something that I not only understood and but something I had totally engraved into my heart. Something that was just as precious to me, a Mormon, as it was to them, Mainstream Christians.

When I left the LDS church, I was in a whole lot of confusion – why on Earth would God pull me out of the Church I loved so dearly? Why to a church that was so foreign and loud and irreverent in worship and praise and in everything? Why a Trinity believing church? Why Evangelicals of all the groups? Why? Why? Why?

My journey both makes me appreciate what I’ve learned from personal experience – the kindness and loving nature of Protestant Christians in such an extremly different environment than what I would have found acceptable for me. And shortly before I “came out” so to speak about my desire to rejoin the LDS church, my friend TerroRista came out that she was returning to Catholicism. Which, is another heated apologetic debate – is Catholicism a Christian church and are Catholics Christians? I love Barbie to death, but I’ll be the first admit that I’m not comfortable with everything, but for me – unity with her and with a sister in Christ, is more important to ME than being in any way a voice of any kind of dissent to her. I see things that I disagree with as preferences and unimportant in the great scheme of things. Salvation issues have not changed for her, but rich traditions of church fathers have.

What I’ve loved about her journey (and mine) is that we’ve both been very humbled. Save for my Sunday night small group, my outlook on Mainstream Christians was just appalling. I just couldn’t stomach the doctrine or the sickening pride that it seemed to breed in people. “I’m right, you fail. Have fun in hell.”

With her journey into Catholicism and her rejection from close friends because she’s now the dark they – the light – cannot mingle with, has really brought her a new level of empathy, compassion, respect, and humility for other faiths. This is something she will readily admit, she always struggled a bit with.

This heavily contrasts with the breeding of Mainstream Christian apologetists. Which in turn breeds so much frustration in me as someone who isn’t concerned anymore with Mormon, Christian, Catholic – just someone who loves Christ and wants to follow Him. Someone who wants to cling to Him during a storm, when everything is going wrong and I just need a good cry. Someone who looks to His example of how I should live as His disciple.

I am SICK of people. I am SICK of apologetists and their semantics. “I told you what the Bible said, deal with it.” Apologists aren’t telling people what the Bible says, it’s telling people what THEY think the Bible says. The Bible didn’t stand up, grab some Starbucks and start chatting with them. I am SICK of churches, I am SICK of the pride that Christianity seems to breed in people. I am just SICK SICK SICK with it all. If I could up and move to the woods and live there and just worship God without any church affiliation, I think I’d be completely fulfilled.

The utter lack of humility in Christianity is driving me insane. Christ was a humble servant who taught by example, who washed the feet of His disciples while they bickered – yet MCs always seem to be bickering about SOMETHING. They can never seem to just agree to disagree.

On the one hand I totally desire to be in fellowship with others who love their Savior and at the same time, I cannot get far enough away. On a recent blog, TerroRista posted some pics of how Catholic leaders and followers look more humble than Protestant ones. I have to say, that for me – the following image is the most humble MODERN day visual of humility and service.

Hopefully this is enough ranting for now. :)

maggielselah @ 1:44 pm [filed under Religion, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , Leave a Comment »


{June 15, 2008}   Wrap Up

This is a very accurate visual of how I feel. Exhausted. This post is a very general wrap up of the past week.

1. Maya is a fantastic dog – but man she has boundless energy and is exhausting.

2. Cesar Millan makes everything look so easy. Wish I was that athletic.

3. I’m becoming overall addicted to walking, jogging, and running. It hurts but it’s a good hurt. I’m still sleepy when I get up at 4:30 am to do it, but that’s okay – it gets my day off right and I can spend time with the Lord during these runs.

4. As I become more addicted to running and jogging – I am becoming more curious and eager to try something else very physical that I can do with Maya. She’s shown shyness and perhaps even fear of the water when we took her swimming, but she’s an excellent swimmer. I’m hoping to get her in the pool more often to overcome her fear so that we can swim laps together soon. I want to try roller blading and biking now. The heat of course, is overall discouraging. Perhaps in the fall or winter.

5. Stetching and yoga CAN make a difference. :)

6. The missionaries dropped off a DVD for me to watch – it’s a special wittness one of Jesus I believe (or perhaps the Restoration). I’m pretty excited to watch it.

7. I finished Alias season five a couple of nights ago, I am beyond depressed about this. Bonus features? Anything? How will I ever live?

8. A poster on Rav mentioned that she doesn’t have TV – I imagine a lot of freedom in not owning a TV even with DVR.

9. I have had some pretty amazing personal revelations (not claiming God given) this past week on my history as a Mormon. For example, during my ex-Mormon transition I realized that I was always annoyed with the MC (Mainstream Christian) Jesus. After a lot of discussion and thought, I realize that my personal feelings or experiences with Mainstream Christians individually were bleeding over into the theology. The Jesus of the MCs no longer represented an atoning sacrifice, but rather a rude, hurtful, aggressive Bible thumping street preacher. I failed, at the time, to see how wrong this generalization was because I was too emotionally involved at the time.

10. During a run this week, I had a quite discomforting time while meditating on the LDS church. I hope that it’s a fleshly thing and not a spiritual thing.

11. Who knew there were right and wrong socks to wear while running?! Thank you to Brother Matthews for giving the much needed information.

12. Over on Ravelry,  actually have a Mormonism 101 thread that I’ve been enjoying being a part of. It really makes me stop and wonder though, of those who are critical of the LDS church and if they are able to turn their critical microscope over onto their own beliefs with the same intensity and scrutiny that they apply to the LDS church. When LDS posters do this in say apologetics, then suddenly LDS are attacking the Bible, Christianity, etc. It strikes me as both disturbing and humorous how uncomfortable people get when one applies that same line of thinking to MCs, history, etc. While I’m not saying that I disbelieve the Trinity or the Godhead (but rather prefer to sit on a neutral fence right now and investigate this more fully), the Trinity certainly has enough (and always really has) holes in it for me to lean away from it.

13. Essential beliefs – are these more assumptions of the Bible or actual Biblical teachings? If they are Biblically sound – that there ARE essential beliefs, then what essentials are there that are spelled out in the Bible?

14. I find myself distancing from Protestantism and drawing closer again to Mormonism. Of course, most of this is out of comfort, but also with the disillusionment I feel within Mainstream Christianity. There is an overall pride to be found in quite a few circles – pride in being RIGHT. In having THE Truth, the ONLY Truth, etc etc. And it’s not something I found myself really appreciating. I’m not saying this is a GP thing but rather just observing and seeing in various Christians of various backgrounds, etc. A lot of the people at GP are the kindest, more humble Christians. Alongside with my small group family (not a GP small group), these people have totally turned my viewpoint around on what a Christian within the Protestant umbrella can actually look like – Christ.

15. My friend Barbie, has been going through what a lot of LDS converts go through – rejection. From her former Protestant friends who cannot support her while she is in the “darkness” for example. People who wouldn’t even go to her wedding or reception because it was in celebration of her Catholic wedding. She’s currently reading the book, “Why would anyone want to be a Mormon?” which she is totally loving (no worries folks, the day she’s LDS – huh I guess that would be the end of time as we know it ;) ). I love having these discussions with her, because I feel like she finally has a connection with me and understanding now, of some things I experienced as a Mormon. Rejection from people based solely on the fact that I was LDS. What Barbie and I are both finding peace in is the humility and desire to serve others that is found when we take out the rejection and the pride and seek to REALLY love others as Jesus did.

16. Worked today at the store. Craziness craziness. People are selfish. They are rude. They are inconsiderate. Today one woman refused to move her car from a pump because she didn’t like how one man waited in line. Are you SERIOUS? We had to call a towing company and she cussed me out. We – employees – know for a FACT that there are customers out there with guns. And yet, people STILL have road rage out in a parking lot. I mean c’mon people – if you go to the cheapest gas station in the entire valley by almost .20/gallon, then expect a wait. Come early so you don’t run late to an appointment or something, bring your knitting or a good book or a crossword puzzle. Bring a snack to munch on while you wait, but for goodness sakes, just have patience. Laying on your horns, screaming at people, and so on is not productive.

17. If you can count your money, you can tell me how much you have. Don’t throw it down on the counter, “Whatever this is on the pump behind number three.”

18. Please answer yes or no questions – we don’t ask because we’re stupid, we ask because we know that it’s required information for YOUR safety on our part. “Are you at the pump?” Because if you’re not, you’re gas WILL be stolen.

19. The pumps are clearly labeled (except the first one) with numbers not once but twice that are as big as your head – please read them. It’s really not that hard.

20. No you cannot pay on the pump when you are five cars behind. If you’re not at the pump, you cannot put money on it.

21. Exhaustion is not the end of being tired.

22. At the end of the day – there is religion which is really no one’s fault except their own, and relationship. Relationship is not defined in the building we attend or the clothes we were or even the specifics of theology that we claim, but our hearts for God. I think religion holds us down and keeps us from really having the ability to really love people because we have this invisible electric fence so to speak. But relationship moves us to be Jesus in our daily lives – to serve in the Church and in our communities, to pray sincerely, to repent and forgive, and to remember the atonement. THAT’s what I am seeking and I am confident that my Heavenly Father will answer.

maggielselah @ 2:57 am [filed under Grace Point, Ravelry, Religion, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, The Dog Whisperer tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , Leave a Comment »


et cetera