God « The Journey we call Faith

{September 15, 2008} “What is God doing in your life?”

The vicious pit bull and her kiddos

I was having my daily debrief with my best friend and we were discussing my blog. I shared a recent comment that a fellow ex-Mormon left for me about loosing sight of why I left the LDS church in the first place. She shared with me that my blog used to be about what God was doing in my life, how He was shaping and changing me, and now it was more about the things going on in my life.

She might very well understand why I have been more and more hesitant to blog about religion lately (unless pissed off as of recent), what God is specifically doing, what I feel moved in, etc etc – but others might not because they are not my daily confidants like she is. So I thought, without going to an uncomfortable place – I would share what God has been doing in my life as of late.

God has been providing for us. I was totally fed up with being overweight and unhealthy – and then we went and Steve picked out a dog (yes Steve) that was high energy that needed to be run, not walked twice a day. Guess who got stuck with that responsibility? Me. That was such a blessing. It gave me time with God every morning and evening. Three months later – I am 30 lbs less. I am healthier (even though I’m sick right now). And I’ve been able to work through a fear of large breed dogs that I’ve carried around for years. God provided.

I was ready to go back to work, but with one car and the economy what it is – it looked like I’d be stuck working one day a week at my parents’ store forever. Then, we were given a minivan (wow) totally and completly free the weekend before I started working full time – 40 hours – at their store. I get to work early enough that I come home early afternoons and have the entire afternoon and evenings with the kids. It’s awesome. God provided.

I am entering a period in my life when I am fed up with all talk and study of religion (a rare for me considering how much I LOVE it). But just honestly want and need to distance myself and focus less on doctrine and more on just one on one time with God. I frankly and honestly do not give a rat’s behind on if the Godhead or Trinity are correct. I do not give a rat’s behind if it’s right to be monotheistic or polytheistic. Want to know where I am with God? I’m not into semantics which is where I think so many religions are. If Jesus lead by spirit and heart of the Law and not by letter of the Law, what the heck are we doing? If the spirit behind His teachings are to follow Him and not be wishy washy or to deny Him in front of others – then I think we are taking the letter of the Law and not the Spirit of the teaching when we condemn others for not reading into the Bible what we are reading into the Bible. I am reaching a place of longing for unity and peace within the Christian body – meaning all Christians – all who profess Christ as their Lord and Savior. Does that mean He will look the same to all Christians? No. And that’s okay by me because I am not their Lord and Savior. And I am okay with this.

I am conservative in my own understanding of the scriptures but liberal in my application because in the end, I am no one’s White Throne Judge. My friend reminds me that the Catholic church may say who is in heaven – but they never say who is in hell. Many Protestants could take a lesson in this wisdom.

What is God doing in my life? He is leading me to an intense desire for unity and not dissention which is why my dealbreakers are what they are. He is leading me to a place of longing for peace – peace that I felt in the extreme as a Latter Day Saint and He is leading me to a place of not wanting labels (polytheism, monotheism, Godhead, Trinity, etc etc) but just initimacy with Him and His presence. All else falls away and nothing else matters. He provides because His grace is endless and I am forever grateful.

Much like Maya learns the command, “leave it” – I too must learn humilty and to simply leave those things that are not unifying.

"Leave it."

{July 20, 2008} Taking it back

At some point during blogging, I stopped blogging for me and I started blogging for other people. “I can’t write that because someone might read it and hurt their feelings…” and on and on it goes. I do believe that when I blog, there is a certain level of both personal responsibility as well as overall responsibility – but at the end of the day, it is still a personal blog of thoughts, experiences, and of course – opinions.

For the last few months I have played back and forth with the idea of returning to work full time. I’ve applied at various places of employment but even though I serve complete idiots sometimes at the gas station, have decided that it’s the absolute best place for me. I got the feeling fairly recently from a friend of mine, that’s it’s a pretty “low” job – and some customers certainly reinforce that impression – acting as if because I am behind the register of a gas station I’m the stupid one (when most of them cannot even figure out how to pump their own gas, how much their car takes, or even what kind of gas to use…) but you know what? Who cares. I don’t need anyone – friend or not, to validate my job or what I do. When I was a top sales rep or successful manager at T-Mobile, I was beyond stressed out and I didn’t have any power to help customers walk away happy. Sure, there are still unhappy customers. But how many other businesses can say they are so strongly contributing to the community and even cares about the customers who come out to support them?

On a related note – some customer/people etiquette tips. Sometimes, the person behind the counter does know what they are talking about. The gas at Huey’s Mart is going to be just as good as Shell, Chevron, Exxon, or any of those other places charging .20-.40 cents a gallon more. But I guess I can be grateful that people hold this opinion and I don’t then have to deal with (as many) gas snobs on top of gas idiots.

The 13th was my birthday – it went by pretty quietly – I spent it with my family and my close friend Barbie called me and chatted me for a LOOONNNNGGGG time even though she went through her own hell of a day (you can read a portion – just a PORTION of it here). I thank God for such an amazing friend. Her husband is currently on his second interview for a job here in Vegas – PLEASE pray that they get it. It would be such an amazing blessing to have my best friend in the same city as me.

(May 2007 – Ahhh too long ago!)

Speaking of Barbie — the kids LOVE her, but Anya especially. She calls her, “Dr. Barbie” and calls her on the phone. A customer at the store had a Barbie Jeep so I snapped a picture. Look who came to visit Mommy’s store? It’s Dr. Barbie! Even doctors need gas for their cars!

Maya is coming along pretty well. We’ve set an appointment for a highly recommended dog school which I’m really excited about. Steve and I will going to observe and see how their methods work on Maya. If it goes well, we’ll begin planning to send her there. It’s a chunk of money (ouch) but it’s lifetime training. Owning a dog isn’t an easy thing, or an accessory, it’s a responsibility – like being a parent. A responsibility to society to teach one’s dog how to behave in public so that other people or their or public property isn’t destroyed or harmed. A personal responsibility so that our families, friends, and selves are not harmed or our things are not destroyed. And of course – a dog is a living, breathing animal and deserves to be taught what is expected of them so they can be happy, balanced, and accepted in their home. We’ve been doing the best we can with Maya – regularly exercising her, discipling her, challenging her, and of course loading her up with hugs and kisses afterwards – but she still lacks some working knowledge and basic obediance that we feel is important. People balk at spending so much money on a dog, on an animal, but for us it comes down to being responsible to ourselves and those around us and caring for God’s creations as He has charged us (“take care of it” – Gen 2:15).

When Steve and I met, we were both pretty passionate about what we believed in and held opinions about, and at the time were doers – not just talkers. Last night, we met our first possible foster dog – Juno. Sadly, Juno was just going to be way too much for us to handle – even though he was such a doll and so pretty. Juno’s story is really heartbreaking. He was rescued about a month ago (so hot hot outside). His owner tied him up outside his door all day and then beat him up (a little baby puppy less than three months old!) with his fists. Thankfully, there are rescue groups out there that are going out and taking these dogs out of these environments and keeping them safe. The coordinator already has two other dogs lined up to see how they do at our house with Maya. I’m hoping it works out and that we can make an impact at least one dog at a time. I’m really grateful to our friends who have been so supportive of us while we’ve been wrestling with this next step on whether or not to bring in a foster. It’s really important to us to back up our words and passions with actions and to serve something outside ourselves.

Maya, she’s becoming more and more bonded with the kids. Which of course is something I love seeing. We’re working on the chewing – she’s a little mouthy which is completely normal as she won’t reach adulthood for another year or so. Maya always sits by the bathroom and watches the kids get their baths. But the other day, she decided that she was just done with watching and was getting in on the action.

Went to Lowes last night and priced our Spring Pole for Maya. Almost all set to build! Cannot wait to get started. When the coordinator was here to view our home (may I add that our house was completly wrecked since we miscommunicated on when we would meet up for this) her husband and her just oohed and ahhed over how healthy Maya looked and sweet and gentle she was. Big, proud grinning Mommy moment for me.

I think that’s my drain for now. Have a great weekend everyone!

{June 24, 2008} The Brain Drain

Our family has become water babies lately. We’ve been in the pool for four days straight! We went in on Friday afternoon, not really expecting Maya to join us but hoping she would learn to love the water. Now four days later, she is rarely getting out of the water and jumping in to go grab her toys. She’s become a swimming fanatic! Which is great because she burns so much energy that way. Then we meet her friends at the park and then jog home and she’s POOPED! Which is great. I’ve finished Be the Pack Leader and am now listening to Cesar’s Way – he exercises his pack for about 5-6 hours a day! Whew! So I’ve been on Craigslist looking for a treadmill and bike – I don’t dare try roller blades! I found a Raleigh Mountain Bike that is reasonably priced and on my way to work. Hopefully I’ll be picking it up this week. One person we go to church with bikes 30 miles a day! Whew! I’d love to work up to just 5-10 miles a day. I’m completely bike ignorant so it looks like a great bike. So long as it works I am very happy.

With all the exercise Maya has been very trainable as well as very energetic at the same time. I don’t know what it is about water but it always brings out this super hyper side of Maya and always did the same for our last dogs – Scout and Conker. What gives?

Maya has been coming along so well lately that I have been able to let her off leash outside of her doggie play groups. Meaning, yesterday when the kids and I walked to the park, I was able to just let her go and when we went for our nightly jog last night I was able to let her go off leash as well. It’s awesome.

The kids were eating lunch yesterday with some meat and cheese and after “claiming my space” as pack leader, amazingly she just laid down.

I was so proud of her! Last night, we even were able to let her sleep with her kennel open. Yay! She’s coming along so nicely.

The Illusion collar/leash came yesterday so I was excited to try that bad boy out. It works so well (although is a bit frustrating to put on – but I’m sure I’ll get used to it). We ran across a cat last night and I did some challenge training with her. She sat while I called the cat to me, and petted it. At one point I did have to lay her down, but overall she did very well for her first time.

All this dog training is taking away time and focus from knitting (*cries*) and this whole religion headache. Steve’ oldest brother, Rob, always asks, “Why?” And right now I feel like I am doing the same thing.

During worship on Sunday they sang, “Fields of Grace” by Big Daddy Weave. When we first left the LDS church, this song became a quick favorite because the lyrics really connected with what I was feeling and going through.

There’s a place where religion finally dies

There’s a place where I loose my selfish pride

This two week series is something I’m looking forward to because it really gets into the theology of the Gospel – sin, justification, grace, works. It promises to be very thought provoking. I’m meeting with the missionaries again tomorrow night – so I best be writing up my question list – I’d forgotten a lot of my old questions from before. I sheepishly admit that I am REALLY stuck on this Godhead doctrine. When I spoke to my parents about it my Mamau was like, “I think you tend to get stuck on unimportant things.”

I reminded her that Joseph Smith taught that it was the FIRST principal of the Gospel to understand the nature of God. Which is what I’m trying to do. Which then leads to more questions – what is “worship” inside the LDS church? Referring back to the Fall – why is Eve declared to have “transgressed” but her transgression is looked upon favorably? In the Hebrew it appears that a transgression is much worse than a sin (to err, or miss the mark). I am going to tackle some of the Book of Abraham today, more specifically to read about Abraham and God and of course the issues regarding this particular book. I’ve pulled out some reading from my LDS box and will also be pulling out a Protestant book on theology as well.

I have also decided to ask my Pastor questions as well. He raises good points and issues, but I find myself echoing Steve’s brother – why?

I feel like such a pest.

Thankfully, Steve is looking into renting a cabin in August in Cedar City for a long weekend. I cannot wait. My birthday and our anniversary is just around the corner – yeppie! That’s it for now. Gotta go tackle the pile of laundry that’s been building up.

{June 19, 2008} The Godhead, Polytheism, and the Spirit

My head is so jumbled right now that I’m not sure if I can even write a coherent blog – but seeing as I have to get up very early tomorrow morning (another 4 am rising) then I had better get this all purged so it won’t keep me up tonight.

Had another meeting with Elder Nelson and Brother Matthews tonight. The other two meetings, even with the consistent interruptions that one sort of expects from two toddlers, went pretty well. Tonight, everything was just all jumbled and chaos which was quite disheartening for me. Not to mention, very embarrassing. As I’ve mentioned over the past week or so, we adopted 2 year old (give or take) Maya who being a Lab/Pit Bull mix is VERY energetic. She’s very sweet and loving, but full of energy and tonight being that we (the family and I) were gone all day, had a ton of it pent up. The kids, being away from home and me all day, were the same. It does not make a good recipe for time spent in the scriptures or discussion. At one point, the comment was made that the Spirit was being disrupted (paraphrasing from my ever absent memory right now) because of Maya. For me, everything was being disrupted by Maya (and the kids as well). But it was quite the reminder how important reverence and atmosphere are in the LDS church for the Spirit.

When I think of time away with God, images come to my mind – quiet away from others, somewhere private, and somewhere calm. Like my bedroom (sans kids and dog of course) or even my closet which I converted into a prayer room after leaving the LDS church. There are pictures from the Gospel in action, a Bible and notebook to make notes, and there used to be a pillow to relax against (until I took it back to my bed). When I shared this moment with Steve, he casually implied that if I had not been with Latter Day Saints having this conversation, that the Spirit would have been just fine. That it’s a preference of Latter Day Saints, and not really a Protestant thing. I thought back to Protestant churches I had visited over the past 18 months (before leaving the LDS church) and the things that I slowly became more “used to” that before, I would have stepped back from. Like “rock music” so to speak in a church meeting. Now I love it and think that it’s a beautiful form of expressing praise to an Almighty God – even though I still prefer hymns and quiet worship, I see the beauty and passion in the modern day Evangelical worship setting. Or having church in a bar (which sadly seems to be at an end). I was so thrilled to hear about GP taking ministry into such an unconventional setting – going to those who probably need the Lord the most.

And so, I began thinking about Steve’s comment and our calm, assertive young pastor (he’s late 30s I believe – so not a “kid” young) – could he have held a discussion of spiritual matters with a 60 lb dog climbing on him and kids either fussing about wanting something or just clamoring for attention? Would the Spirit have been conducive to such an environment? We attended a small group at his home for about 4-6 weeks I believe (maybe longer) and they provided childcare. Kids jumping around upstairs sounding like they were going to bring the roof crashing down. And yet, he remained fully able to direct and lead the conversation. But, how spiritual was it? I honestly couldn’t tell you – I was still very much apologetic of the LDS church and still firmly believed in my own (LDS) beliefs. I was “trying” to let go and listen, but I’m a pretty stubborn person. Is God limited by the environment we are in at the time or is He big enough to work past that?

For me, I lean more towards God being bigger to work past those issues – kids and dogs and all sorts of craziness. However, I certainly believe that special, intimate time with Heavenly Father is achieved when we are able to focus on HIM and not on the crazy surroundings of the moment. I’m not sure how well I would adjust to being “boxed” in so to speak that God speaks only though and in certain moments and environments. I know when I was LDS, I would have baulked at the idea of church being in a bar (Steve did for a LONG time, even after coming to GP), but regardless if I would attend church in a bar (I wouldn’t) I most certainly see the need for reaching those in a bar and certainly believe that God is big enough to reach through all that, and touch someone, bringing them to Him.

Outside of these potholes tonight, the conversation was really great. Even if I did loose my train of thought a few times. I really cling to the Protestant (and I suppose Catholic) idea of polytheism but find a lot of freedom in what we discussed tonight regarding polytheism and whether or not it was what Jehovah was actually addressing in the Law. The Godhead makes – for me – logical sense. Of course, I wasn’t raised believing the Trinity – so I’m sure Trinity believers believe the Trinity makes logical sense. As I’ve read along some Trinity discussions on Rav, I find myself really torn on this issue. It could be that I simply don’t want to make a choice – stand by the experience I had a year ago, that I felt confirmed the Trinity to me or deny it and move right back into the LDS church.

Joseph Smith taught that it is the FIRST principal of the Gospel to know God and His nature. Which would then be – Trinity or Godhead? Part of me totally sweeps this all under the rug and refuses to really think about it. I tell myself that really, it doesn’t matter. Because that Gospel, or Good News, isn’t about whether or not Jesus was fully God and fully man (Trinity) or if He was the Son of God – a god Himself worthy of worship but not the Father.

And yet, in both the Protestant churches and in the LDS church – knowing God’s nature is an essential, a first principal, even of the Gospel. Which makes me really turn my mouth down. I wonder if I refuse to move on from this doctrine because I want accept the Godhead so that I can be Mormon again OR if I refuse to move on because I don’t want to deny the Trinity because it’s something that while I feel is illogical, is something that I still see as possible. Even if I don’t really want to acknowledge that.

Is my desire to return to the LDS church, simply over ruling my common sense or logical thinking? On the one hand, there are doctrines that while I believe are logical, go against everything as a conservative Evangelical I would hold as fundamental. They go against my personal daily application – such as offending the Spirit and yet, still are logical.

Tonight we discussed the context of when people are without a Prophet – Biblically speaking, they go straight into apostasy. Again, very logical. Biblical example to back it up and all one really needs to do is look around the Mainstream Christian churches to see utter chaos in it all, not unity or one faith. But a lot of heavy opinions and preferences without any authority.

So, I’ve promised to buckle down and write up some questions for our next meeting. Hopefully, in a week away from my house and all the possible distractions. I have some reading in both the Bible and the Book of Mormon that I’m going to get to and then we’ll sit down with some more questions. I’ve also been told that if I’d like to no longer work in GP Kidz then I am free to do so. This is a problem for me – I’d love to go ahead and leave and start attending block meetings BUT I made a commitment and part of me feels, if I were to just leave GP Kidz, there’d be nothing holding me back from being a “True Blue Mormon” again (albeit a weird, very doctrinally liberal one). And I am committed to NOT jumping back in there again. I want time to read – the BoM and the Bible cover and to cover and fully understand what I am committing to.

Which leaves me – totally uncommitted to either organization. And sleepy.

{June 16, 2008} Christian Humilty

In 2006 I began regularly post on the R&P. At the time, I was aware of anti-Mormon trash, but overall really just didn’t care about it. When I began my journey into apologetics, I taped my favorite passage of scripture to my screens and walls around where I used my computers. I wanted to be aware of the impression I gave people as a Christ follower (yes a Mormon) and that I strive always to bring glory to His name, not shame. So when people became really horrible, I would breathe, pray, read my verse, and if needed – walkaway for a bit to meditate on God’s great love for me AND that horrible person whoever it was.

Over the course of the last couple of years, I’ve slowly lost that patience – even though I really want to be patient like that with people, the more I see of people in RELIGION the more disgusted and frustrated I become. I can totally see why there are so many loose canon Christians or people who don’t even want to come to church of any kind, out there.

What was entirely unexpected was that a poster named TerroRista and I became fast and close friends. We would talk for hours at times about Jesus, God, the Bible, and daily application. What surprised her was that I genuinely loved my Savior. I learned later that this really surprised a lot of Christians who had generally false ideas about Mormonism and the Mormon people. They realized the Gospel – the good news of a Savior and redemption, was something that I not only understood and but something I had totally engraved into my heart. Something that was just as precious to me, a Mormon, as it was to them, Mainstream Christians.

When I left the LDS church, I was in a whole lot of confusion – why on Earth would God pull me out of the Church I loved so dearly? Why to a church that was so foreign and loud and irreverent in worship and praise and in everything? Why a Trinity believing church? Why Evangelicals of all the groups? Why? Why? Why?

My journey both makes me appreciate what I’ve learned from personal experience – the kindness and loving nature of Protestant Christians in such an extremly different environment than what I would have found acceptable for me. And shortly before I “came out” so to speak about my desire to rejoin the LDS church, my friend TerroRista came out that she was returning to Catholicism. Which, is another heated apologetic debate – is Catholicism a Christian church and are Catholics Christians? I love Barbie to death, but I’ll be the first admit that I’m not comfortable with everything, but for me – unity with her and with a sister in Christ, is more important to ME than being in any way a voice of any kind of dissent to her. I see things that I disagree with as preferences and unimportant in the great scheme of things. Salvation issues have not changed for her, but rich traditions of church fathers have.

What I’ve loved about her journey (and mine) is that we’ve both been very humbled. Save for my Sunday night small group, my outlook on Mainstream Christians was just appalling. I just couldn’t stomach the doctrine or the sickening pride that it seemed to breed in people. “I’m right, you fail. Have fun in hell.”

With her journey into Catholicism and her rejection from close friends because she’s now the dark they – the light – cannot mingle with, has really brought her a new level of empathy, compassion, respect, and humility for other faiths. This is something she will readily admit, she always struggled a bit with.

This heavily contrasts with the breeding of Mainstream Christian apologetists. Which in turn breeds so much frustration in me as someone who isn’t concerned anymore with Mormon, Christian, Catholic – just someone who loves Christ and wants to follow Him. Someone who wants to cling to Him during a storm, when everything is going wrong and I just need a good cry. Someone who looks to His example of how I should live as His disciple.

I am SICK of people. I am SICK of apologetists and their semantics. “I told you what the Bible said, deal with it.” Apologists aren’t telling people what the Bible says, it’s telling people what THEY think the Bible says. The Bible didn’t stand up, grab some Starbucks and start chatting with them. I am SICK of churches, I am SICK of the pride that Christianity seems to breed in people. I am just SICK SICK SICK with it all. If I could up and move to the woods and live there and just worship God without any church affiliation, I think I’d be completely fulfilled.

The utter lack of humility in Christianity is driving me insane. Christ was a humble servant who taught by example, who washed the feet of His disciples while they bickered – yet MCs always seem to be bickering about SOMETHING. They can never seem to just agree to disagree.

On the one hand I totally desire to be in fellowship with others who love their Savior and at the same time, I cannot get far enough away. On a recent blog, TerroRista posted some pics of how Catholic leaders and followers look more humble than Protestant ones. I have to say, that for me – the following image is the most humble MODERN day visual of humility and service.

Hopefully this is enough ranting for now.

{June 15, 2008} Wrap Up

This is a very accurate visual of how I feel. Exhausted. This post is a very general wrap up of the past week.

1. Maya is a fantastic dog – but man she has boundless energy and is exhausting.

2. Cesar Millan makes everything look so easy. Wish I was that athletic.

3. I’m becoming overall addicted to walking, jogging, and running. It hurts but it’s a good hurt. I’m still sleepy when I get up at 4:30 am to do it, but that’s okay – it gets my day off right and I can spend time with the Lord during these runs.

4. As I become more addicted to running and jogging – I am becoming more curious and eager to try something else very physical that I can do with Maya. She’s shown shyness and perhaps even fear of the water when we took her swimming, but she’s an excellent swimmer. I’m hoping to get her in the pool more often to overcome her fear so that we can swim laps together soon. I want to try roller blading and biking now. The heat of course, is overall discouraging. Perhaps in the fall or winter.

5. Stetching and yoga CAN make a difference.

6. The missionaries dropped off a DVD for me to watch – it’s a special wittness one of Jesus I believe (or perhaps the Restoration). I’m pretty excited to watch it.

7. I finished Alias season five a couple of nights ago, I am beyond depressed about this. Bonus features? Anything? How will I ever live?

8. A poster on Rav mentioned that she doesn’t have TV – I imagine a lot of freedom in not owning a TV even with DVR.

9. I have had some pretty amazing personal revelations (not claiming God given) this past week on my history as a Mormon. For example, during my ex-Mormon transition I realized that I was always annoyed with the MC (Mainstream Christian) Jesus. After a lot of discussion and thought, I realize that my personal feelings or experiences with Mainstream Christians individually were bleeding over into the theology. The Jesus of the MCs no longer represented an atoning sacrifice, but rather a rude, hurtful, aggressive Bible thumping street preacher. I failed, at the time, to see how wrong this generalization was because I was too emotionally involved at the time.

10. During a run this week, I had a quite discomforting time while meditating on the LDS church. I hope that it’s a fleshly thing and not a spiritual thing.

11. Who knew there were right and wrong socks to wear while running?! Thank you to Brother Matthews for giving the much needed information.

12. Over on Ravelry, actually have a Mormonism 101 thread that I’ve been enjoying being a part of. It really makes me stop and wonder though, of those who are critical of the LDS church and if they are able to turn their critical microscope over onto their own beliefs with the same intensity and scrutiny that they apply to the LDS church. When LDS posters do this in say apologetics, then suddenly LDS are attacking the Bible, Christianity, etc. It strikes me as both disturbing and humorous how uncomfortable people get when one applies that same line of thinking to MCs, history, etc. While I’m not saying that I disbelieve the Trinity or the Godhead (but rather prefer to sit on a neutral fence right now and investigate this more fully), the Trinity certainly has enough (and always really has) holes in it for me to lean away from it.

13. Essential beliefs – are these more assumptions of the Bible or actual Biblical teachings? If they are Biblically sound – that there ARE essential beliefs, then what essentials are there that are spelled out in the Bible?

14. I find myself distancing from Protestantism and drawing closer again to Mormonism. Of course, most of this is out of comfort, but also with the disillusionment I feel within Mainstream Christianity. There is an overall pride to be found in quite a few circles – pride in being RIGHT. In having THE Truth, the ONLY Truth, etc etc. And it’s not something I found myself really appreciating. I’m not saying this is a GP thing but rather just observing and seeing in various Christians of various backgrounds, etc. A lot of the people at GP are the kindest, more humble Christians. Alongside with my small group family (not a GP small group), these people have totally turned my viewpoint around on what a Christian within the Protestant umbrella can actually look like – Christ.

15. My friend Barbie, has been going through what a lot of LDS converts go through – rejection. From her former Protestant friends who cannot support her while she is in the “darkness” for example. People who wouldn’t even go to her wedding or reception because it was in celebration of her Catholic wedding. She’s currently reading the book, “Why would anyone want to be a Mormon?” which she is totally loving (no worries folks, the day she’s LDS – huh I guess that would be the end of time as we know it ). I love having these discussions with her, because I feel like she finally has a connection with me and understanding now, of some things I experienced as a Mormon. Rejection from people based solely on the fact that I was LDS. What Barbie and I are both finding peace in is the humility and desire to serve others that is found when we take out the rejection and the pride and seek to REALLY love others as Jesus did.

16. Worked today at the store. Craziness craziness. People are selfish. They are rude. They are inconsiderate. Today one woman refused to move her car from a pump because she didn’t like how one man waited in line. Are you SERIOUS? We had to call a towing company and she cussed me out. We – employees – know for a FACT that there are customers out there with guns. And yet, people STILL have road rage out in a parking lot. I mean c’mon people – if you go to the cheapest gas station in the entire valley by almost .20/gallon, then expect a wait. Come early so you don’t run late to an appointment or something, bring your knitting or a good book or a crossword puzzle. Bring a snack to munch on while you wait, but for goodness sakes, just have patience. Laying on your horns, screaming at people, and so on is not productive.

17. If you can count your money, you can tell me how much you have. Don’t throw it down on the counter, “Whatever this is on the pump behind number three.”

18. Please answer yes or no questions – we don’t ask because we’re stupid, we ask because we know that it’s required information for YOUR safety on our part. “Are you at the pump?” Because if you’re not, you’re gas WILL be stolen.

19. The pumps are clearly labeled (except the first one) with numbers not once but twice that are as big as your head – please read them. It’s really not that hard.

20. No you cannot pay on the pump when you are five cars behind. If you’re not at the pump, you cannot put money on it.

21. Exhaustion is not the end of being tired.

22. At the end of the day – there is religion which is really no one’s fault except their own, and relationship. Relationship is not defined in the building we attend or the clothes we were or even the specifics of theology that we claim, but our hearts for God. I think religion holds us down and keeps us from really having the ability to really love people because we have this invisible electric fence so to speak. But relationship moves us to be Jesus in our daily lives – to serve in the Church and in our communities, to pray sincerely, to repent and forgive, and to remember the atonement. THAT’s what I am seeking and I am confident that my Heavenly Father will answer.

{June 13, 2008} The Dog Whisperer and Jesus

Steve and I have loved the Dog Whisperer. I am currently listening to Cesar Millan’s book, “Be the Pack Leader” during my daily walks/runs with Maya. During the intro, we see Cesar with his pack (approx 30-40 dogs when he wrote, Be the Pack Leader). What impresses me so much, is this huge pack is never in front of him. There’s a scene where they are all jogging through the ocean and yet, again there is not a single dog in front of him, but rather either at his side or behind him. Wow! And you know these dogs would certainly be faster than him, yet they acknowledge who their “pack leader” is.

As I’ve watched his shows and listened to his book, I continue hearing the word, “energy”. To be calm and assertive because our dogs can pick up on that energy. It’s the one thing you can’t fake it till you make it with dogs. You’re either calm/assertive or you’re not.

This brings me back to Heavenly Father and thinking back on The Purpose Driven Life. Where, basically the author Rick Warren basically gives us the same message, we can’t fake it till we make it with God. We either are giving up control to Him or we’re not. Last night’s episode included a puppy dalmatian rescued by a group of 40 plus firemen. This 3 month old puppy had taken control of the firehouse because they lacked Cesar’s three step methods to fulfillment.

Exercise
Discipline
Affection

I began thinking about how this applies to life – like child rearing or our own personal goals. And of course, our spiritual lives.

Exercise – Immersing ourselves in the scriptures, praying, fasting. Cesar teaches that after a dog has had exercise, she’ll be more open to being dominated or accepting a pack leader. She’s more open to discipline and correction.
Discipline – Living the Christian life. Overcoming the flesh – bring the flesh into submission of the spirit. By studying the scriptures, Heavenly Father can give us correction about the life we are living and our need for grace.
Affection – Feeling the Spirit’s prescence, Heavenly Father’s love for us.

When we have these three elements, we develop a testimony of Heavenly Father, of the atonement, etc etc. And from this testimony, we are able to weather the storms in life. As Christians we know that we walk in a “pack” with Jesus. He walks in front because He is the leader and we are content to follow Him. Who knew one could learn so many life lessons from dogs and their packs? More to come when I have more time.

{June 12, 2008} THE Truth

I mentioned to Brother Matthews and Elder Nelson last night, that I don’t mean to pick on Protestants by comparing LDS beliefs to Protestant ones, but that’s what I’ve been immersed in for the last year – Protestant theology, not Catholic theology or Anglican theology etc etc.

In the last few years online in apologetics, one phrase I always saw daily on forums or in blogs was Protestants discussing “THE Truth”. That the Bible contains “THE Truth”, that the Trinity is THE Truth, that Jesus is THE way, etc etc etc. And I’m not disagreeing with any of that. I think these bold statements that religious groups make really helps set them apart from everyone else in the crowd. Jesus boldly claimed to not only be “a” way to God, but the only way to the Father. So, I am certainly not against using bold statements. The LDS church makes the bold claim that all priesthood authority was taken from the Earth when a global apostacy occurred – that’s pretty bold as well. However, Brother Matthews said something Monday night (which I’ve been meaning to blog about – but having a new dog is like having a new baby!) that really struck me. I like it a lot – will probably be adding it to my Ravelry quotes.

Paraphrasing here, “We are looking for the Truth. Not someone else’s opinion on the Truth, or someone else’s commentary, but just the Truth.”

As a Bible believing Jesus freak Protestant, my initial response was, “Well, aren’t we all?”

However, if you take this and chew on it – are we accepting THE truth or someone’s opinion or commentary on THE truth? A good friend of mine recently left the Protestant movement after 11 years and is now a Catholic. In one of our conversations, she was shared a conversation between herself and a Protestant friend. She was stating that the when Jesus says, “I am the bread” that He is saying that He is the bread. Her protestant friend disagreed saying it was figurative not literal, so she asked, “Okay, but why? Why does it have to be figurative why can’t it be literal?” She further explained that when she researched this verse, all she came back to were commentaries (opinions) that all said the same thing, “Jesus was being figurative. He isn’t really the bread.” But why? What support do they have?

So when looking for the Truth with a capital “T”, how do we find it? If Joseph Smith really was a Prophet, he certainly gave us a more modern day example of how to go about finding it – we seek earnestly after God and ask Him. I’ve always thought the story of the First Vision, however marvelous, was quite a leap of faith on Joseph’s part. But today, to pray about “which church should I join?” is quite normal.

I can recall when we first left the LDS church, as confused as I was at the time as to why God would lead us out of the LDS church, I felt so certain that God had assigned us to this church. And no one thought that we were weird for being lead or guided to a certain church “home”. So, why does it seem to bristle and rub those critical of the LDS church the wrong way that Joseph went and asked the Lord the same question?

He was looking for the Truth, not someone else’s opinion of the Truth. As individuals, seeking after God’s will in our lives – what are we to do? We can most certainly pray and study and then listen. I have really enjoyed Manna church’s series last August on when God is speaking to you. I believe I can safely say, that even if I were LDS right now or then, this series would still greatly impact my life.

Right now – as I seek to understand where exactly God wants me and where exactly I should be vs where I want to be (LDS) I continue to ask myself – what is THE Truth and how do I know 100% for sure that I’ve found it?

In Joshua 9 when the Hivites came in disguise and said they were a far away country wanting to make a treaty we read in v 14, “The men of Israel sampled their provisions but did not inquire of the LORD”. I think this story reminds us – to always check back with the Lord. Commentaries are nice – especially in those pesky Isaiah or Jacob I believe, but in the end, it is up to us to inquire of the Lord whether or not they are accurate or authoritative commentaries or just the understanding of men. Even under the proper authority of a spiritual leader – like a Bishop, Pastor, or Prophet, we should always go back to the Lord. Acquire our own testimony, our own confirmation of what they teach as true.

Something Pastor Hudson says that I always have loved is (paraphrasing), “God is an infinite God and we are finite creatures.” Isaiah says the same thing in 55:9

As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.

I certainly believe there are some things I’ll just not know and accept that but firmly believe that God is a personal, knowable God. In my search for the Truth and not an opinion or part of the Truth, I know it is important to return to the scriptures and to my Heavenly Father.

Recently, my Pastor told me that he feels that I’ve never really even left the LDS church – and in a lot of ways, that is absolutely true. It’s my “heart beat”, it’s my spiritual home, it’s where I feel most comfortable. I cannot deny the amazing spiritual experiences I’ve had in my Bishop’s council earlier on, or the absolute overwhelming Holy Spirit in the temple when I took out my living endowments. Yet, I do not want to return to the church because I am comfortable there (as much as I hate writing that) or because I generally overall accept some theology or doctrine. Generally, I believe the doctrine within the LDS church is possible and even logical. Why wouldn’t God have a Prophet on this Earth today? Why can’t families be together forever? Overall (speaking in very general terms) the LDS eternity view and the Protestant ones are not that far removed.

I’m still struggling a little with the idea of the Godhead – which again, i believe is a more overall logical viewpoint of the nature of God, Jesus, and the Spirit vs the very romantic idea of the Trinity. I’ve been told that only one can be right – traditional Christianity or the LDS church, and I totally agree. Both can certainly contain some truth, but which one contains THE truth?

{June 8, 2008} On Fire!

Cesar Millan says there are three essentials for dogs:

Exercise
Discipline
Praise, Love, Affection, etc

I’m sure he uses different words than I am right now. So, with Maya we have been trying to do these things. Ironically, Steve who really wants to step up as Alpha male in our family, is being dominated by Maya. I think it’s rather funny actually. And she’s (so far) leaning towards me. However, I think this greatly has do with, I am very physical with her.

Over the last three weeks or so, without even knowing it, I’ve become much more physical and active. So, I’ve been taking Maya for walks. Remembering the when a dog isn’t challenged physically or at the very least exercised properly they can become trouble (as our toy dogs did), I’ve gone from walking to speed walking and by 5-10 minutes into our walks, jogging. I’ve gotta say – that hurts. Everything in my body burns, my lungs, my legs, and my arms (from controlling Maya during the walks). I come home and I’m so sweaty and yucky. But I feel great. I feel ready to start my day, and the time I have to both spend with Maya and God has been really relaxing for me. I love it, even if right now I cannot walk properly because I’m so sore.

Overall, I’m loving taking her on her walks but am becoming aware for the need of daily yoga now to calm and stretch those tense and sore muscles. And water. And common sense on my part. When I got home from work yesterday, I took her for a jog at 3 pm! Three pm is the HOTTEST time of the day here in Vegas. How stupid was I?

I feel more tone after these couple of weeks of walking, swimming, and now jogging. Although my appetites has greatly increased and so my knitting is also increasing to fight off the urge to eat more or snack more. Is this normal? Maybe Mr. Wayne will leave me a comment. Okay, off to get ready for church. Enough sitting.

{May 6, 2008} Legalistic about being Legalistic

I had an awesome conversation with my friend Barbie today. She’s going through sort of the opposite of what I went through a year ago. She was a Fundamental, Evangelical passionate Christian and recently returned to the Catholic Church. She’s a very passionate person and throws herself 200% into everything she does. However, many people are putting her and her faith under a microscope and I don’t just mean in an apologetics kind of way either. She’s got it from all sides.

As she shared with me how her Mormon MIL and Evangelical FIL were questioning her, we entered into a very interesting conversation about legalism and the church. There are plenty of groups that claim absolute truth – Mormons, Catholics, and JWs to name a few. And I can certainly see the benefit of having total and complete truth. But at a certain point, truth ends and preferences begin.

For example, we discussed something her Priest had shared. You can read her whole blog about appropriate behavior for mass (or as she shares, for any worship). As I read through these things, I could surely see how they were appropriate for a Catholic and even LDS style church, however to put these standards on the whole body of Christ was just – in my opinion – wrong. It lacked grace and it lifted up division rather than unity.

When I was LDS, I wholeheartedly gave myself to God – I knew that I was a sinner in need of redemption and that only the work of Jesus (grace) could bridge that gap that for me. Now at what point did my beliefs become heretical and at what point, would God turn from someone who held heretical beliefs, yet still accepted Jesus as their Savior and Redeemer? At what point, do opinions become dogma and dogma replaces truth and relationship?

It seems to me – as a relative new Evangelical – that the non-denoms, Evangelicals, and Fundamentalists have become legalistic ABOUT not being legalistic. It’s mind blowing. Since I don’t know much by either experience or head knowledge about Catholicism, I’ll have to stick with Mormonism. I’ve said this many times over at my other two blogs – the LDS church is the very model that the Christian church should strive to emulate. Please note – I am not in anyway referring to doctrine – in fact I am very much NOT referring to doctrine. But rather organization, fellowship, and lifestyle living. Not doctrine. But there are things within the LDS church that aren’t doctrine per se but rather perhaps dogma that I really disagree with. For example, I loved how modesty and reverence were stressed within the church. Members knew that Sunday is God’s day and as such, would for example dress appropriately. They wanted to give their best to God and as such, dressed their best as well. They put forth effort for God, instead of rolling out of bed, chewing some gum and coming to church looking like they had just left Studio 54.

However, the downside of this is that if someone came to church not wearing a dress/skirt or tie and slacks, then I would wager their mind wouldn’t be on the Gospel but rather on their discomfort for being inappropriately dressed. And that’s not right. I imagine Jesus welcoming people to Him – regardless of what they are wearing.

I think it’s great that churches are encouraging their congregations/parishes/wards to live to a higher standard, but at the same time am quite disappointed with the Evangelicals who seem to have a legalism-phobia. I will probably battle with legalism until the day I die, but being afraid of it isn’t going to help anything. Being aware and knowing the warning signs, will. I think condemning those believe in living an upright, moral life and yes, focusing on the works and therefor very fruit of their lives is wrong.

In our personal lives, how many times do we look at the dogma and/or doctrine that someone believes instead of their love for God? I don’t believe any one church has it 100% right out there, but I think overall we have to find where God calls us to.

In the last year trying to fit into our church, I’ve gone through stages about leaving the LDS church. And I’ve come to the conclusion, that we certainly could have remained in the LDS church and still been “heaven bound” but that God pulled us out not only for further growth but also to shake people up. Our Bishop did a double take when we explained that God was pointing us elsewhere, Christians did a double take when I’d share that I believed that Jesus died for my sins and that His work was sufficent for me and yet – I was LDS. I think God does this all the time. He shakes us up – tried to remind us that He doesn’t fit into a tidy little box. He’s God, we’re not. Remember, when Jesus came, He shook up the religious leaders of His day – He was certainly not what they expected. Would we too be shocked if He came for a visit? We have so many preconceptions about people because of what they believe instead of trying to be like God, and learning what’s in people’s hearts.

	Barbie on Legalism
	Barbie on Mid Week Thursday
	Barbie on Summer Reads – Hearing G…
	Wayne on Ignorant – When did it b…
	Barbie on 100 Words or Less…

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